This girl's house was in rural Hunterdon County, NJ and while the house wasn't on a large piece of land, the front yard was heavily wooded, the road had little to no traffic and it was early evening. I was going to shit in my prospective girlfriend's front yard. I got out to my car and fumbled with my keys for a minute while I was breaking out into a sweat in the cool early fall air. I fished the roll of TP out of my car and found a semi secluded spot between my car and the woodline in front of her house and dropped my pants and squatted. The relief was glorious, and it was as bad as I'd feared. Even outside, it was foul smelling and loud. I'd made the right call. I finished up, wiped and tried to bury the rotten chili pancake I'd left by kicking some leaves on it. I started to pull my pants back up when I realized I hadn't left enough clearance in my squat and I'd shit on my clothes. Oh, the humanity! What the fuck am I going to do?! I couldn't just drive off (this was pre-cell phone … [Read more...] about Why You Can’t Talk About Pop Culture Like You Talk About Sports
Their bedroom. When you close the bedroom door, the kid knows EXACTLY what’s going on and won’t stand for it. If I took a Vine of the sound my kid makes when I try to put him down for a nap, birth rates in this country would fall by 40 percent. They hate it when you try to put them to sleep. Even if I just say, “You look tired!” to the boy, he’ll rake my face and cry out NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! He will gnash and wail for a solid hour before finally passing out from exhaustion. Pretty fun process. … [Read more...] about What Is The Best Birthday Month?